No more adjustments

A journey to owning myself and my disabilities

I want to tell a small story. When my parents found out that I was born with deafness 3 years after my birth, it shattered their world. However, the doctor told them that while my hearing loss was profound, my IQ was actually high and I was responding well on the spectrum of my other senses based on the tests they took.

My mom, a strong-willed woman, took this as a sign and was positively determined to make my life as “normal” as possible. She refused to put me in a special needs school, coaxed the young child in me into trying to interact normally with the other children in my flat and in my normal school, and she forbade me from learning sign language, for fear that it would impede my growth and turn me into one of those children who required constant supervision.

All that upbringing has shaped me into someone who understands the need to fight hard and not take shit from anyone, and I’m indebted to my mother for this mentality. However, it also meant that I would not consider my deafness as a weakness; I was always compensating for situations compounded by my disability, doing things the way abled folks usually do (to some extent).

1. I always did things myself even if it took extra effort on my part, though I could have asked my friends for help. I’ve a stubborn desire to be independent - only for phone calls, I was completely okay to seek help.

2. I can’t have conversations in really loud places, so I just keep quiet in groups and don’t talk much. I don’t bother to tell my friends, because there’s no need to be “dramatic”.

3. I cant do video calls without seeing the other person’s face. For one on one or small group calls, my colleagues usually turn on their video for me. But in conference calls, where most folks simply prefer audio only, I use closed captioning to follow the conversation; i don’t tell these stakeholders to turn on their video.

There are many more instances where I’ve lost count of adjusting to the situation, simply because I felt I could do “abled people things” as well as them.

Then came the pandemic.

The dawn of realization

When we started working remotely with the onset of CoVid, it brought a whole new host of difficulties to me. More than that, it made me painfully aware of my disability, as the walls built by our professional and casual relationships in society were torn now, leaving us to our own devices and battling with our own reality.

I realized a couple of things. I had to accept the reality that my disability was making remote working very difficult — more often than not, I rely on my team members to be my voice at times. Closed captioning was a life saver but it simply wasn’t enough. But on the plus side, I no longer had to put effort to “fit” into my social circles, since I was simply stuck and home and free to do as I pleased. The “not having to adjust” part actually gave some mental freedom and allowed me to focus completely on myself.

As my keen interest in accessibility picked up in the second half of 2020, I found that I wasn’t the only one who was going through this - there was this huge community of disabled folks and people interested in accessibility having dialogues, painting a picture of the hardships disabled folks endure and how many “adjustments” have been made to make the best of the situations they find themselves in.

What is accessibility then? It is a way to enable disabled folks to perform functions in their limited abilities in any situation. Accessibility is not some kind of charity or help, but a fundamental human right.

The first 3 decades of my life was spent in fighting every single day to fit in the normal fabric of society. Of late, I’ve come to a place of solace, where I no longer need to put up a facade of ableism, and instead come to terms with my identity as a deaf person.

Key incidents that shaped my awareness

This journey towards acceptance of my own flaws and living with them is the outcome of my interactions with many vibrant folks, whose wholehearted acceptance of my deafness and openness with me has taught me to treat my disability as my identity.

1. A brief conversation with Microsoft’s Chief Accessibility Officer Jenny Lay-Flurrie on Twitter, after seeing her inspirational video.

   Jenny is also a deaf person and is very comfortable using a sign language interpreter to participate in the interview. I particularly value her simple advice to me — “If you need help, ask for it. No more toughing it out!”

2. Getting to know many people who are passionate about accessibility and want to hear more about my own journey and struggles. A big thanks to Cat Noone and the getstark.co slack community!

3. Cody Johnston from Practicemakes.bos gave me a chance to write a story for the conference as a guest author — now I have a conference presentation crossed off my bucket list.

4. This eye-opening Twitter conversation with Soren — I am actually considered under the URM (Under represented minority) category from a design and tech viewpoint. I have never been one to put labels on myself, but this is a very powerful reminder of my identity.

5. I have been practicing my video calls regularly and now started asking the other person to adjust a bit in case of difficulties during the call — everyone has complied fully without complaint, and enquired if I were comfortable enough. I didn’t realize that asking someone to adjust for me was that easy!

Closing thoughts

Now that I have become cognizant of what really works for me and the measures I can take to continue pursuing my passions, I am slowly warming up to the fact that being disabled doesn’t equate with a need to prove my fit in society. There’s a strong clarion call from some passionate folks to bring accessible practices to the fore, and this has only empowered me to own myself for who I am - an under-represented minority in the tech world who doesn’t need to keep fighting every day to show his worth. I am hoping to use the saved energy instead to focus on becoming a better human being and honing my design skillsets towards my vision of a more accessible world in the future.