If you are one of those folks who have spent quite a long time on Twitter/other social platforms and dating apps (like yours truly), there’s a huge likelihood that you have come across personality tests that help us find what kind of personality we are. I came across the 16personalities test through my dating “network”, wherein you have to answer a bunch of questions about yourself and how you deal with different scenarios,
I was kind of desperate for some romantic connection back then, so I gave the test a go. I answered all the questions truthfully more than I would in a polygraph test, and waited eagerly for the e-mail. I discovered that I have an INTJ-A personality, which means I am highly curious and intelligent and a problem-solver, but romantically hopeless and complicated (well well, that explains everything 😂). All in all, the test was kind of accurate and did give me better insights into my own psyche and how I respond to different stimuli.
But throughout all this seemingly harmless exercise, there was something missing in the entire test which I couldn’t pin-point, but i didn’t pay much attention to it for a couple of years (CoVid did play a part here; I was more concerned with safety than loneliness 😅). Until recently.
So what was the missing link in these tests? This thought surfaced a few days ago when i came across an app called “intellect”, which proclaims to help you know yourself and deal with life a little better. I am going through a very rough mental patch, so this seemed like a welcome intervention. But Intellect again required me to answer a bunch of questions, which I dutifully answered. However at the end of a session, the nagging thought in the back of my head finally came to light.
Both the personality test and the intellect app (and perhaps every other psychology app) contained a lot of thorough questions and scenarios, but none of these questions ever bothered to ask if the user has a disability.
I am naturally an introvert because of my hearing disability and lack of clarity in speech, and would not be expected to be adept in social situations. But these apps/tests willfully excluded disabled people in the exercise. Then how can the app assume my personality without knowing my true limitations?
This was quite a revelation to me. The more I thought about it, the more i’ve realized all these apps, even dating apps — which are supposedly made to help people understand themselves and their wants/needs and match them to people with similar wants/needs — do not even consider the different dynamics of relationships with people of disability. I can personally tell you the countless times arranged marriage has let me down, because parents of the potential brides are not comfortable talking to a stranger who is unafraid to tell them he wears hearing aids. Such is life.
There are many dates where my hearing loss didn’t seem a big deal to the girl, but the general admission is that we have a raw deal far as our social situation is considered. There’s no denying anyone with visible “imperfections” as per society, would be yearning for a relationship where they are seen, rather than their shortcomings. Therefore, I asked myself if all that time spent on dating apps and matrimonial apps do make any sense, since they are not even remotely considering the feelings of people with disabilities.
I will keep trying my luck on these apps, but my better shot is to embrace the unfamiliar, and put myself out and show to people the person behind these hearing aids. There are some situations where technology plays more of a deterrent than an enabler, and I would put these personality tests and dating apps in this bucket.